Sylvester – The Best

img_5471Sylvester was his formal name.  He was known to the family and me as Vester.  Sometimes Vesty-Vest.  It has been a few days since he left us and I have had difficulty writing about him.

He had a rather complicated past which I guess began in a run down building in the small town where I live.  A woman who lived in a nearby building began feeding him and then eventually took him in.  She did the right thing and had him neutered.  The necessary vaccinations and he began his life with her, her son, an older white cat and an old dog. They called him Squirt…an awful, undignified name. That was all before I move to the town in a building near where they lived.  A year later, she married and it seem to all change for Vester.  He began hanging out by the side door where I parked my car and came and went.

Most mornings I would walk a couple of blocks to the post office to get my mail and Vester began walking with me.  Oddly like a good gentleman he stayed on the traffic side of the sidewalk.  He kept pace with me and when we would reach the traffic light, I would tell him to go home and not cross the street.  When I would return through the light, he would soon show up having waited for me.

I watched him carefully guide the old dog out of the street and walk him back home to their small yard behind their building.  He did the same with the old white cat, grooming him and nurturing him.

The woman would lock him out at night so I would see him running home to get breakfast only to watch her drive away as he almost made it home.  No breakfast for him.  So I began going down from my apartment and giving him food.  It seemed the right thing to do.  Then it became dinner as well and a pan of dried food for him to have during the day if he wanted.  All tucked by the side door of the building.  We did this for about a year.

Another cat showed who was in really bad condition.  Vester began graciously sharing his food sensing the poor guy needed it desperately.  They did not fight over the food rather simply shared.  I soon put out two plates of food for breakfast and more food in the pan.

They seemed to become buddies and hung out together in the flower bed beside my building.  Then one morning I noticed the other cat was in really bad condition and need ed attention by a vet.  So I took him in and to the vet.  Had him neutered and all that goes with a new rescue.  He lived in the downstairs of the building and really blossomed.  No hair became full on long hair and the markings of a Maine Coon cat.  They are very loving and great cats.

I continued to feed Vester thinking he belonged to the people where he had been living and not wanting to take their cat even though he definitely was not getting any care. I don’t think her new husband much liked the cats or even the old dog.  He wasn’t a nice man.  It wasn’t until Vester showed up in my flower bed just laying there very ill that everything changed.  He had a huge cut on his side. Fever and no energy to move to come for breakfast.  So I took it to him and he ate what he could.

I went to speak with her about him and her response was that she no longer felt he was her cat and that if she saw him she would put hydrogen peroxide on the wound.  How can people turn their back on a cat that had been part of their family.  It is beyond my comprehension.  So I swooped him up and immediately took him to the vet.

He recovered in a separate room from where the other cat Bernard was living because he needed to be quiet and not disrupted while his wound healed.  He rallied soon and began living downstairs with Bernard or Nardy as he came to be known.  The routine continued of the feeding ritual now simply going downstairs to feed them each morning and then spending time with them while I had my shop open.  They were very good together and seemed extremely happy to have the home.

Eventually they moved upstairs to the apartment when my sister came to stay while evacuated for a storm.  They fit right in with the other cats.  Vester much more so then Nardy.  Vester was such a gentle soul that he did not provoke confrontation and would do all he could to solve it if it occurred.  He nurtured all of the cats with the exception of the one bossy female, Bailey.

Some years before I rescued a feral mother in Florida who lived most to the time under my bed.  Coming out for breakfast, dinner, the litter box.  She did not like to be in contact with anyone or any other cat.  Then Vester showed and all that changed.  He must have said to her, Girl come and enjoy life.  This is great.  Let’s have some fun.  There are toys.  Sofas to lay on.  The sun shining in the big windows to soak in.  Soon she was out and about.  An entirely different cat.  He had worked his magic with her.  To this day she is more approachable and certainly not feral, thanks to whatever counsel Vester provided to her.

He became my steadfast and reliable cat.  He was the one I counted on in some odd way as we do with the stable ones in our life.  Not really noticing that we are relying on them, yet we are.  And so I was comforted that Vester was there to keep the cats in line.  To more or less rein them in when need be and to offer comfort to Oisie as she needed it.  He groomed most of them and tolerated others.  He would wait until Bailey had her turn at any of the bowls of food and he would not barge in on another while they ate their breakfast or dinner from their individual plates.  If there was anything left then he would go for it but not until they walked away.

A year ago, a small kitten showed up and continued to hang out in the middle of the street in front of my house.  I had buried a kitten a few months prior so I knew his chances of living without being hit by a truck or car were slim.  I brought him in hoping to find him a home which did not happen.  He took to Vester immediately I suppose sensing he was the kind, stable one who would look out for him.  Vester seem to teach him the ropes even though at times he was a wild little guy…not wild in the sense of feral however wild in the sense of  I have a home so I am happy, happy, happy.  He flew through the house many times breaking stuff as he went.  He would jump on Vester who was by now a rather old fellow so not up to the intense play of a growing kitten.  Yet Vester tolerated it.

They bonded though and Seb, the new guy would sleep next to him as Oisie did.  Always seeking him out and staying close to him.  Vester sought refuge in the cabinets something he had never done.  Soon Seb discovered how to open the cabinet doors and there was no peace for Vester.  That continued for some time.

Vester by now was showing his age or so I thought that was what it was.  It is tough to know what is happening with a cat because they conceal so much by pure instinct to do so. Then just two weeks ago he appeared to not be feeling well at all.  So we went to the Dr. Welch…a really great vet.  X-rays revealed he had fluid build up in his lungs which had caused his breathing to be compromised and the infection compromising his body thus the weight loss.  We began the treatment process.  Soon because of the inflammation he could not eat so I created a brew to give him by syringe and did so several times a day.  He was trying so hard and wanted to live.  I wanted him to live as well and kept promising him a screened porch when we moved to a new house.  He was the one I wanted a screened porch for the most.  I knew he would love every minute he spent there.  All through this digression Vester would pull himself to the litter box.  Never once taking the convenient method of just going where he was.  By this time though he had a litter box near him yet others would have forgone the effort.

We made several visits to the Dr. Welch…each time he would say I am not sure we can get him well but we can try to keep him comfortable.  I worked so hard and so did Vester to keep him living.  He was a huge part of the family and we needed him.  Yet on the next visit to the Dr. Welch, the news was not so good and the recommendation that I let him go, came.  It is not an easy decision to make, yet as Dr. Welch said it is the best thing to do and we do it quickly with care.  So reluctantly I signed the papers for Vester to travel beyond and to another life.  It is heartbreaking on all fronts.  He was my best ever cat because he was so reliable and stable.

There is a huge void in the house now. The other cats are so quiet and solemn.  Seb looks for him.  Oisie is unsure what to do.  Even Bailey is searching.  We go about our day with breakfast and dinner.  The nibble now and then of dried food from the many bowls set out. We continue on yet the void is so glaring and the silence so loud.

He is sending a message now and then.  Yesterday while mowing the lawn a huge black butterfly hovered around me for a long time.  No flowers anywhere nearby for it to enjoy…just hovering over me.  I knew it was Vester.  The sky the morning after he passed on a drizzly raining day, was so rich in colour.  So unusually beautiful.  I knew it was him saying it is lovely here.  Then I saw a pure white cat when I ventured to the town center much like the cat he cared for before he came to live with me.  I have always felt for some odd reason that white cats are an omen of good.  So that too was a message from Vester.

He will always be in my heart and it is so difficult to sit having my coffee in the morning and have the absence of him next to me.  A morning ritual of all the nine years he lived with me.  Like so many things that can never return we wonder if we showed enough love. Enough caring.  If we did the right thing.  I hope that Vester knew how important he was to the family and how much he was loved, not just by me, by the other cats.

He was indeed a very kind, gentle soul who did not judge another cat.  Who helped out those who seemed in need.  Who encouraged an afraid girl to discover herself and life. Who provided me with a lot of support, love without question.  I am going to try to be more like Vester.  If I can be as a person half of what he was as a cat then in my remaining  years I may at long last accomplish something of importance.

Rest in peace my sweet Vester.  Rest in Peace.








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Where, How, What

img_5471Yesterday it was grey overcast skies with a mist of rain for the better part of the day.  I woke early to check the results of the election.  It was four o’clock in the morning.  I was too tired to stay up the previous night and too emotionally drained as well.  The most wonderful, sweet cat of my feline family was extremely ill.  So knowing I had a difficult day to face I turned the light off and favored sleep over the election results.

I was shocked when I saw that the most deplorable man that I know of running for office was elected.  Not by the majority however by that odd little arrangement to prevent someone unacceptable making into office, called the electoral vote.

My heart sank because I am older and I could see the how precarious the future was going to be under this guy in office.  He has no regard for women.  He has no regard really for anyone except himself.  He doesn’t seem to care if someone struggles due to his actions or if they starve.  He is not who the country needs to be in office.  He ran a campaign based on fear and now I was falling into the fear of my own future which I had not felt previously because I felt sure the people of this country would be wiser.  See through the it all. I had no clue that so many people had such awful values.  So many with so much hate.  So many thinking that someone like this guy could actually save them.  And surprising so many women turning their heads not accepting that he holds so much contempt for women.

That was the beginning of the day.  I pulled myself to move forward because I had a very sick cat and others that demanded their breakfast.  My sweet Sylvester was not doing well and my heart was breaking even more then having to think about the impact of the election.  I will write another blog about Sylvester…Vester as I called him.  Sometimes Vesty Vest.  As one does with their pets.  He deserves that of me.  Actually he deserved a blog just of his own long ago.

We had a veterinarian appointment later in the day.  I was hoping for the approach of fluids to help him rally.  He so wanted to live.  For what I am not sure.  He had to share the house with other cats and most were so demanding.  He just calmingly lived with the others.  Taking care of an old female who no longer groomed herself.  He groomed the youngest one that came to us out of no where and kept laying in the street so I brought him inside hoping to find him a home.  Homes never come or at least that has been my experience.

Between the times of caring for Sylvester during the morning, I checked the internet, particularly Facebook where my like minded friends are.  Everyone was reeling.  Everyone was in shock.  Everyone not quite panicked however bordering on it.

The time came for me to take Sylvester to the Vet…that ever so dreaded time. He had wrapped his little paw around my finger and held his head up a bit to look at me although I think his focus was no longer there. It told me he knew however wanted to live.  I somewhat instinctively knew what the vet would suggest even though I hoped for a different approach.  On this trip, he did not talk to me through the window of the carrier…he just layed quietly.  He was always a good traveler.  Actually he was a good everything.  Truly the best cat I have had.  Never cried or demanded anything.  He would periodically talk loudly to me and was so cute doing so.  So expressive.

We weighed him.  He had lost yet another pound.  No surprise since he was only taking liquids and no solid food due to the lung infection.  It was difficult for him to eat.  So I created a brew and gave it to him every hour or so.  It had sustained him however not well.

They took him back to the exam room to check for a temperature.  I thought they would bring him back to him rather the vet came out.  Sat down next to me and gave me the sad news that it was time to let him go.  That he could give him fluids however that really would only sustain him for a few more days.  There was so little temperature which of course isn’t good.  So we agreed that it was the best thing to let him go. I asked the vet if he could do the same to me. He looked at me with a question in his eye.  So I said the election results do not offer us much hope. He smiled got up and went to take care of my sweet Vester.  It is difficult to sign that release paper knowing by doing so you are ending a very dear life.  A life that you have cared for and been involved with for many years.

I sat there wondering where this was going.  How this really happen and what to do next.  Not just about Vester about the entire news of the day.  A very heavy day.  Very heavy day.

Soon they brought Vester out in a nice little white box which I was grateful they did.  Other times the body had been presented to me in a bag which made it ever so difficult.  They showed so much respect to Vester and to me by offering him dignity.  Which is so important at all times.

As I paid, the vet picked up my carrier and took it out to my car. Waited for me.  I carried Vester in his new home and set him on the passenger seat.  Then the conversation turned to the election results and he too was reeling.  Unlike me, he stayed up most of the night to watch the results.  Like everyone I know, he was in disbelief and concerned.  Yet he made a good point.  He said we must accept that he is our president.  Treat him with respect because of the office and do what we can to make our lives ok.

Then he told me I know this is a loss however it is the right thing to do.  It is nice that we can take away the pain and make it quick so that they do not have to suffer.  I thanked him and got in my car to drive home with Vester now in a different place yet physically on the seat next to me.

It was still early enough in the day when we arrived home for me to bury him.  So I found a place.  The first one did not work due to the roots of the tree.  It was where he watched the squirrels and birds.  I thought he would enjoy being there.  So I opted for another cozy place in the courtyard where a buddy of his who passed several years ago lays.

As I do, I gave him a little funeral and wondered if he knew he was loved.  If he knew how much I appreciated that he was such a good, sweet cat.  A cat that presented no issues until he became ill.  I wondered if he knew what we are in for as a nation and what I may be in for so he elected to reduce some of my burden.  I wondered what will become of us now without him.  He was the steadfast one.  The reliable one.  The wise one.

And so it is where, how and what is the future.  Only time as it always does, will tell.  img_5471



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Where Did I go?

As we move through life we do not always notice that we may be loosing ourself in all the demands of the day, the week or even a year.  We are busy readjusting this or that.  Taking care of pets, a house, a job or others.  We put ourself on the shelf for a while thinking oh I’ll have time later for me because for now I must deal with what is before me.

Then suddenly time is gone and we look up with new eyes and wonder what on earth happen.  Where did I go.  Where did the smile that once existed vaporize. Where did the laughter that was so easily found in the silliest thing, go.  Is it too late to reach for and grab it back.  Where did the time go that seemed robbed by the whoas of others and the demands of pets, property.

Then one day it all stops because I simply can not live this type of life any longer.  One that I do not feel in control of living.  One that offers no pleasure yet takes so much time.

Recently after asking myself repeatedly why am I following this person or that one, why am I taking the abuse in the comments about something I posted on Facebook. Comments that indicate the person did not thoroughly understand my comment or post.  I just one day terminated my association with Facebook.  Removed it from my cell phone which cleared so many unnecessary contacts and all in all made life so much simpler.  Better…absolutely better.

I haven’t missed the laboring over others posts and trying to be supportive when there really wasn’t anything to be supportive about.  I had grown tired of the posts about everyone’s whoas which always seemed to me to be attention getters.  Not my approach to life at all.  I am one of those that tries to address things, take care of it and get on with life as I can without publicizing to everyone the setback.

I had no idea how much that one social media site was dragging me down.  How much time out of my day it was taking.  How much I had lost substance in my life.  Or how much I had tired of the election or what drug people had to take for this or that.

I have to say, while I detest the current election in the US, I am grateful for what it has revealed.  I have let a few friends go as a result because I had no idea our values were so opposite.  Some friends for many, many years who had not truly been a friend because they held back on revealing what their true values and beliefs were.  That is deception to me and deception is disgusting in my book.  I don’t have time for it nor do I want it.  Friends should be open and honest, hold the book closed just to hang onto a friend because they can offer something to you, is just plain wrong.

So I have made many discoveries due to this election.  I have been weeding my garden and now there is much more space for life to blossom.  Like Facebook, I had no idea how much some of the so called friends were pulling me down.  Down that rabbit hole to the darkness of depression.  Life wasn’t feeling very good and even when times are bad, sad or difficult, I can usually feel in touch.  I had lost that without even realizing I had.

I feel much more in tune and things seem to come along as they use to.  I can think about something and it comes.  I am getting so much more accomplished and feel lighter doing so.  I cleared out my old rolodex….yes I still rely on one because what does one do with those business cards of the people we may need to be in contact with….all those type of cards are in the trash basket by my desk and will go out to the big bin by the end of the day.

The social media sites and the deceptive people are not to blame for the loss of my true self.  I simply allowed myself to get caught up in the whirl and loose control of thought, body and time.  Truly when I realized it, I did not for a while know where I had gone.  The person I know as myself.  The one while certainly with flaws, that I like and have lived with trying to improve over time.  Yet there was not any improvement happening.  There was a reversal of self.  A reversal of the soul.  And not a good thing.

Time is so precious and to have wasted so much with people who were not their true selves and with the lack of substance on a social media site, is unsettling to me yet I am so glad that something snapped and I stopped the forward thrust before it hit the wall of too late.

There is a lightness to life again.  The flow of things coming together. The pieces falling into place.  Nice things happening again.  Little gifts appearing out of no where and all that good that comes.  I am grateful for the awakening. Grateful for the revealings and the exposure.  Grateful to now regroup, redirect and reach again for the brass ring.

Maybe the saying, I was once lost but now I am found applies to this sort of change.  This sort of discovery.  If so then I will take it and move forward because I think all of us at sometime or other ask “where did I go”and when we rediscover ourselves, then life takes on a new glow and beauty.

By all means, enjoy your day.



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Easily Offended

Yesterday evening late, while lying in bed with my computer….yes I am one of those…browsing around to pull my mind into a state of slumber, a post was made on Facebook by of course one of my Facebook friends.  Not a real friend in life, just someone I sort of know and am friends with on Facebook.  As it is these days.  Not a friend who comes for coffee, phones or even sends a Christmas card which few do these days.  Just someone on Facebook.

The post was of photo from the back of a guy wearing a very bright green jacket with a backpack.  The caption read: Bro do u wanna be seen or not.  I made a comment that it may be the only jacket he has.  That after the fires in the area a few years ago when people lost everything but the clothes on their backs, I learned to not judge what people were wearing. My intent was to offer a different perspective on the ridicule of the guy in the jacket.

What I did not point out is that it also seemed rather racist because that is the headline of the day.  Not just yesterday however now every day.  The post did have a racist tone.  The caption offered that.  I didn’t go there in my comment though rather offered that maybe it was the only jacket he had and that could very well be the situation with a black male.

The reply comment from the woman sharing the post was mean, hateful and a tone of extremely condescending.  She told me in the first comment responding to my comment was that it was inappropriate to the post.  I responded with that the point of my comment was missed.   That then brought the mean, hateful response that it had nothing to do with the guys circumstances and that I was easily offended.

Well perhaps easily offended could be true when you are slamming someone else for your enjoyment.  If you look at the photo and the caption combined and see the situation as presented, it is offensive and would be to a lot of people.  Yet there were 6 likes to this post and that is further bothersome because people really are not seeing the big picture.  They are not seeing how they are promoting racism.  They are finding humor in the belittlement without knowing the full story.

It is stuff like this that pushes me further in to being a recluse.  These type of people who seem to think they know so much and are so ready to push another aside for their own purpose.  They bully.  They slam.  They do not care about the other person’s situation or that what they are doing is wrong.  They act so that they seem superior and drag all their friends with them.

A sad world we live in these days.  It is rare to experience any respect, courtesy or kindness. It is a society that has grown from the “you deserve it” to the “let me take”world we now live.  It is way too materialistic.  Way too label oriented.  Way to self centered and way to quick to attack when one hasn’t even considered all the angles, layers and reasons.

The other day I had a meeting regarding my property taxes which were to escalate tremendously.  Fortunately we are given the option to protest those increases and visit with the agency imposing those.  In the past these meetings have not always been positive and most have resulted with little change.  This one however from the moment the man called my name began on a positive note.  His body language spoke volumes.  The kindness of his facial features, relaxed and comfortable offered openness.  Our conversation was one of shared respect and cordialness.  Not a wall that was up rather the door was open to listening.  The man was so kind, so nice and so respectful of me.  We shared a few laughs while discussing the increase and even if I had not gained a positive result, his treatment of me would have been enough.  The difference being, he was a black male so he had a far different perspective.

He could have just as easily been the man in the post photo that I found to have a different dimension of meaning then the presentation and in actuality I think it really was the intent of the original poster.

So for this woman to say I am easily offended well yes I may be if it means degrading, biased exploitation of another regardless of race.  I am a three demential thinker.  I see layers that sometimes others do not see.  It is sometimes a gift.  Sometimes a blessing.  Sometimes misunderstood as is the case with this Facebook exchange.  The woman could only see the photo and did not pick up that it was really racist.  That it really was offensive and gave no consideration to what the reason was of why the man wore the jacket.

We have become too ready to criticize from the surface and too ready to attack when below the surface is revealed.  Some how we must regain a footing of consideration, of kindness and of respect.  Some how we must.

So if it seems I am easily offended well so be it.  There is such thing as unfriending on Facebook however there is also a way to just avoid the posts which is the higher road to take.  I will always stand for the less fortunate.  I will always defend those who are bullied, battered and beaten down by society.  If it means I have to mention the layers not noticed then I will and if it means that someone so arrogantly tells me I am easily offended, oh well.  Oh well.  At least I know I care deeply and treat people with respect, consideration and kindness as best I can.

So lets all do our best to see past the degrading posts and treat one another with kindness even if it means to some we are easily offended.

Enjoy your day.  Be kind to people and animals, please.






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IMG_1282Sherlock, an older black cat with golden eyes that more then knew life.  He came to my courtyard one day several months ago with a very small kitten in tow.  At the time I didn’t know his situation although asking around for days, I finally learned he had been turned to the streets when his owner passed.  Her daughter treating him no better then the rubbish she cleared out of the house and soon put on the market.  More focus on the money and what she was getting then the life of a cat that brought something to her Mother.  Dreadful in my book however how it seems to be in this small town where I have been trapped for way too long now.

So as it goes with animal lovers, I began feeding him along with the kitten.  He was so kind to the kitten, letting him eat as much as he wanted then finishing off what was left.  So one dish, one bowl became two dishes, two bowls.  They became familiar with the feeding schedule and showed up for those times.  Other times hanging out in the courtyard or wandering off to find something else, whatever that something else was.

Soon the kitten was getting a bit brave without the experience or knowledge of the danger that existed.  He began sitting in the middle of the street that people use as a speedway from the stop sign on down the street.  Mostly redneck guys in their trucks who have to squeal tires as they peel out from the stop sign, gaining speed as they pass my house.  It wasn’t safe for even the most experienced cat, dog or person, much less for a small kitten of about 6 weeks old.  So as animal lovers do, I brought him inside hoping I would find a home for him.

Of course homes are difficult to find.  Very difficult to find.  People say they will pass the word around yet I know that is only lip service. Other people who help animals are always maxed out with little to no help finding homes either.  Yet I kept hope.  Months have passed though and he is still here.

Sherlock remained outside even though he really wanted to come in.  I just had too many others and felt I needed to do what I could to help him yet not bring him in to be with the others.  Something I now really regret.  I fed him good food as the others got, twice a day.  Talked with him, befriended him.  Sometimes he didn’t want to be friendly so I respected that and let him be.  Other times he liked to have his back brushed, then rubbed.

I had high hopes of finding him a home.  I contacted all the rescue people I knew and put out the word that he needed a home.  People who could have taken him, wouldn’t and the months passed.  Then one day a woman said she would take him.  I was reluctant because she seems so blasé about everything….everything.  I sent an email to a woman who lives in my area and who is a good pet person asking if she would take him.  Feeling that if she let him out, he would know the area and be safe.  She declined however said the woman who said she would take him would be a really good choice.

So on the night when Sherlock decided to go in the carrier after his dinner, I phoned her to come for him.  She came after some time.  My heart broke though when she placed the carrier in the cargo of her SUV and closed the door in his face.  I wanted to stop her and take him back.  I had no place to keep him safe inside though.  Most of the rooms of my house are taken by other cats, so no place that he could have as his own while he adjusted to a new life.  She had a big house, money and could easily give him a good life if she wanted.  If she wanted becomes the key to this.

A few days later I checked on him and she said he wasn’t happy.  I offered a few suggestions that if she had followed, I doubt there would have been the issue that exist today.  Within a few hours later of that email, he was let out to what is a heavy, thicket type area.  The briar patch.

I wasn’t told and only found out three days later because I asked about him.  So I began the quest of trying to find him in all the thickness of the area.  Each day going out and doing my best to find him.  I know in my heart it is just too much effort for her to be bothered.  That is evident by her lack of communication.  My inquiries about him either go unanswered are met with a single word reply…well maybe a complete sentence that offers little.  I have asked for help.  None comes.  I contacted everyone in the area, she did not.  I contacted the fire department made up of volunteers for the area.  I have called everyone I know to look, spread the word asking for help to find him.

It is now almost ten days and he has only been seen once which was the Sunday after let out on Wednesday.  Now to try to get any response from this woman is like trying to change the weather.

It is a life and one she jeopardized.  It is unacceptable to me for someone to just drop the ball and walk away without a care in the world about what they have caused or the need to help.  It has been the way in this small town.  People start something, then it becomes a bit of work, or a challenge and they just drop things for someone else to either pick up the pieces or the pieces lay broken with no resolution.  This is a life though.  A cat that deserves better.

The nonchalant mindset of  “he’ll be ok.  He is black.  There are trees to climb so he will be safe from predators.  There are lizards and plenty of mice for him to have food.  There are water bowls out and ponds for him to have water.  So he will be fine.”  I want to scream at her and say no he won’t.  He is older and he should not be so casually tossed aside like his life doesn’t matter.

People are treated the same way in this town.  As long as things go as is wanted and as long as one can offer money, all is fine.  Once that changes then they are tossed aside as well.  I have never encountered so much lack of responsibility or caring.  I have lived several places and have never previously experienced the mindset.  It makes life very burdensome and challenging to try to have to constantly pick up the pieces of what others have left broken with so little care.

Now there is Sherlock.  A little life that should have mattered.  That now is faced daily with survival.  Not be able to totally relax ever.  Sleeping with his eyes half open so that he is aware of what is approaching.  Food is not prevalent and has to be repeatedly sought just to keep going.  There is no home.  No comfort zone.  No future of love.  Just a toss aside life by very uncaring people.

I have to face the fact, that I may not find him.  Help is just not something these people get.  Responsibility is not something these people get.  Oh sure they probably pay their bills and are supportive of their tight little circle however beyond that why bother, right. Especially if someone else will take care of it.  And if you don’t begin to help or be responsible then of course someone else will take care of picking up the pieces especially when those pieces put together are a life.

My hope is vanishing and my heart is heavy.  I will never understand the people of this town.  There are a few nice ones yet the overall game is a lack of caring.  A lack of responsibility.  A lack of communication.  Unfortunately this time around it has been costly for Sherlock and I so regret sending him with such an uncaring, non communicative and blasé woman.  So regret it.

I will keep trying though and at some point,  if I can not find him, then I will have to give up.  Yet he deserves to be sought.  He deserves so much better then what this woman gave him.  And so it is with people.  Those tossed aside because things are not perfect with them.

When will life become important again.  Life of all living things.  When will people have high regard for others, for a cat like Sherlock.  When will the caring happen.  It is so very needed and for right not, it is what Sherlock needs.  As do so many others.

Can we not come together, communicate.  Be kind. Be caring.  Be considerate.  Be responsible.  It really doesn’t take that much to do any of those things.  In the hope for Sherlock, may this happen.







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Stop the World, I Want to Get Off

The past few days have been absolute madness and a roller coaster of emotions.  First I have been dealing with the fact that a woman I allowed to adopt a rescue cat, turned him out to a very rugged, rough area with little to no concern.  She did not bother to phone me to perhaps take him back, nor did she phone me when she claims he escaped or so that is what her husband said.  She has yet to talk with me.

How I found out of his missing, was during the break of a house concert of mutual friends. I inquired of the husband about the cat.  His response was “I am not so sure you should ask”…so I asked why and he told me the cat had escaped.  That was three days and nights after the cat was let out.

They live in a very dense underbrush area.  Growth after fires many years ago.  The trees that once were, are burned nubs with thick brush that has taken over the terrain.  It is hilly, rocky and rough.  Swarming with coyotes and other type of predators.  It would be tough for him since he has been living in a much more civilized environment with two canned food meals a day and dried food, water as he wanted it.

Many said this woman would offer him a good home.  I wanted great however had to go with supposedly good.  A few days after he went with her, I inquired about him and was told he was not happy so I suggested a few things.  Then I didn’t hear back so I thought maybe things had worked out a bit.  It had only been four days since she took him.  Taking him on a Friday night then by Wednesday he is let out to the wild.

There are not words to express how I feel other then heartbroken.  I feel I let him down by trying to find a home for him.  We had a routine worked out.  Not ideal yet manageable.  I have numerous cats already and simply could not take another one inside.  So I offered him a place to be and regular food offered on schedule.  Plus my house is for sale and I will be moving.  So he needed to be placed.

He already had a sad story which this woman who was going to give him a home, knew.  He had been turned out to the streets by the daughter of his owner when she passed.  He came to my house because I think at one time he may have lived there.  I bought my house from his owner.  So I fed him and nurtured him as I could.  Over the course of the months of trying to find him a home, I watched him become more untrusting and his coat more scruffy.  My heart broke each time I would feed him and so wanted to add him with the others yet I just could not take one more.

So when the opportunity arose for him to have a home I went with it. I was promised he would stay indoors and then later if he wanted to go out, he could.  I asked around and was told she would be a good provider and he would have a good home.  So I went with it.

When she came to get him that Friday evening with storms looming on the horizon I was relieved knowing that he would not be out in the storms.  Yet when she opened the back area of her SUV and set the carrier inside with the food I sent along, closed the door in his face, my heart sank.  I almost said no just leave him.  Because if it had been me, he would have been setting on the passenger seat and I would have talked with him all the way home.  So my fears began then.  I didn’t think too much would really happen other then he may have a bit longer to adjust.

I did not know that they had a new little dog which Sherlock so disliked little dogs because the one that visited the neighbors from time to time, aggressively chased him.  So I feel sure that contributed to his fears in the new place.

To be so nonchalant about him being outside in such a rough area,  not even looking for him, not even calling me to let me know so that maybe I could have found him quickly is just beyond what I can understand.

A friend sent me a message that it is animal abuse and I have to agree with her yet there is not anything that I can do.  I am now having to face that I may never find him.  I have word out with everyone along the road that leads to their house.  I even talked with the fire department so that if they are cruising around checking things out, they can watch for him.

He just does not deserve this.  So I am reeling from the betrayal by her.  Reeling because I feel I let Sherlock down and betrayed his trust.  I am truly at a loss of what to do now because as the additional days mount into close to a week, the chances grow slimmer and slimmer.

I am loosing faith in almost everything.  The world is a mess and people just do not take responsibility for their actions.  It has become such an uncaring, cold, hateful society that it is difficult to deal with.   It makes me want to do as Sherlock is probably having to do, find a hiding place and just stay.  It also makes me want to just stop the world and get off.

Yet we can’t really do that.  Just like this situation with Sherlock and all the hope going away each day, not because either of us did anything however because of the self centered negligence of someone else, is just how society feels.

People no longer are grateful for efforts made on their behalf.  They think they can do better through someone else with more wealth, more power leaving the one who began the process to be tossed to the wilds, like Sherlock.

There do not seem to be any answers and I have always been able to look at things and think maybe there is just a window of hope yet today as I write this, I am not so sure any longer.  I have truly lost faith in man kind.  I have lost faith that kindness and caring still exist.  I have lost faith that we can treat animals and people with respect and consideration.  I have lost faith in general and somehow like all of us, that needs to turn around.

So maybe there is a safe place in our hearts and maybe Sherlock has a safe place or will find a kind loving home in the briar patch.  Maybe Alice will show up with tea and a tuna cake for him and the tin man will offer some hope.  Let’s just hope that is true for all of us.


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What about love…

The other day I received a private message on Facebook.  It was much like a chain letter that had to be sent to 20 people I love and back to the person who sent it, unless of course I did not love that person.  Whew!  Such guilt.  It is as if some Mother was trying to get her child to behave and laying on the guilt.  It even provided instruction of how to send to 20 people.

Silly me, I was curious what the method of instructions would offer so I did as it said only to find that the message then was sent to some people I am only friendly with. Some may be not even so much as friendly.  To say the least it was awkward.  So then I had to make a post on Facebook addressing the issue that this had been sent to a few.  Further explaining that I am not a mushy sort and if I like you, you know it.  Absolutely nothing against the person who sent the private message.  So many these days feel they have to offer warm and cozy messages to the entire world.  Some also feel then need to tell us what the Bible says just to remind us to be good people, I guess.

So since the internet offers so much information, I decided to find out just what is meant by the word love.  Just as I thought Webster’s defines it as “a feeling of intense and constant affection for a person”  There is of course the sexual side of love which Webster’s also offers….for the most part though that can be mere infatuation.  My thought, not Webster’s.

The Brits have a lovely way of referring to someone who is a dear as “love”.  More or less for a kind, helpful person yet it goes beyond that and acts like “you” many times in conversation such as “thanks love”.  It actually makes the day a little bit better when that is said.  All the while knowing that the person does not love you, simply offering a little softer touch for everyone encountered.

After my post I received another message from the sender of the original chain message saying that “Love always counts”, like I don’t know love counts, yet for most people in many different ways.

Personally I don’t think love is something we can tell someone how to do, be or act.  Love as stated in the Bible (1 Corinthians)  since so many who want to tell us how to love also refer to the Bible, yet perhaps have not really understood the message, is that love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud.  People so many times spout love yet do not actually have love.  They are merely a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. It is what society has taught us, much like materialism.  It is something that is supposed to be said or expressed even if one does not actually know much about a person.

I think we have become a society that is very superficial, synthetic and truly without much depth.  People who know me, really know me, also know if I care for them or not.  They also know that I will leave a fancy dinner party, dressed in my best dress and shoes to come help them change a flat tire in the rain if that is indeed what they need.  That is demonstrating how I care for someone.  I do not have to say I care because it is a given.  I will tell my daughter I love her because she is family and that has a different meaning and should.

The 60s and 70s were a beautiful time in the world.  It was a love one another time yet it was a sincere time of love, not what we see today.  Somewhere along the way, love spouting has become a way to gain points.  To feel good.  To look better in the eyes of others when in actuality it should really be all about caring.

So I have learned a very valuable lesson.  Albeit an awkward one because quite frankly I am embarrassed that the message was sent to some I don’t even know very well.  They are on my Facebook page and I exchange posts with them because I feel they are either like minded or they have a different slant on things then I may encounter in my world in a small town.  To tell them that I love them, though is whoa, way out there with Mars.  It is so inappropriate I can’t even come up with the words to express.  So I will be much more careful now with my curiosity of how things work on Facebook.  I will stick to my old values, my old ways and operate as I always have with a big caring heart that doesn’t need a billboard to make it known.

My Dad always offered a grace, blessing if you will over family dinners….and that went…
blessed oh Father and these thy gifts which we are about to partake and make us ever mindful of the needs and wants of others.

That more or less sums it up….”make us ever mindful of the needs and wants of others” which would mean across the board caring without discrimination or selectiveness.  The world would be so much better if we could just be more mindful and caring.  Less superficial, less in need of personal recognition and strokes. Less need to broadcast love when we only feel like.  If we could just change tires in the rain for that friend in need and offer a dinner, not left overs, to a homeless person on the street, gosh just think what could happen.

So if someone thinks I need to send a message back to them for them to know I care, then they really have missed the point of life and love for that matter.

Please be mindful of the needs and wants of others…it will indeed make the world a better place and your world as well.





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