It has been a long, long while since I have written a blog. Oh yes I still know how and I still have all those thoughts to share, express or sometimes vent. These days though it seems keeping up with the spin of the world affairs is all consuming. Troubling. Unsettling and at times down right overwhelming.
In the mix of all that I am constantly, like many of us, reviewing where I am with life. Where I can fit in. What seems comfortable what doesn’t. We all just want comfort and peace. I had that for while then I got the wild hair to pull out the easel, the canvases and go for being an artist.
I painted each day for months. Enjoyed the release. The creativity and support of those who saw my work. Some things sold. Others are stacked around. I then went the next distance and began having products made from the images of my art. That in some ways is a huge endorsement of one’s work to see it in a finished product. The head spins a bit and it brings joy. It is expensive joy though.
The past few days when things just felt too much. Too much stuff. Too much cost. Too much effort. Too much lack of satisfaction and certainly not peace. I offered paintings to friends. One declined which was surprising but then there has been a marriage since the last time we shared things. So that change comes in to play to remind me things are no longer as those once were or will ever be again. Other friends of course want a painting, product or two and that will help clear out.
What is the issue when I really think about it, is I now have too much stuff. I don’t like having a lot of stuff. I tried to settle into an area that doesn’t really suit me and in doing so kept thinking if I just add this or that to my house, then it will feel more like home. Well all that does is become suffocating with stuff. More to clean. More to deal with. Books are one thing. Yet with those I now read and return to the book nook at the library where I buy those. Great discovery since now I can enjoy a good read for not a whopping amount of money and then donate it. This way I buy at a very low price, enjoy the read then return for them to resale again bringing more money to the library.
I wish it could be that way with other things. It isn’t though and to try to sell things in the area where I now live, doesn’t really work. There doesn’t seem to be a market for much which is very frustrating.
So as the title to this says, exploring self is what I have been doing the past couple of days. I was on track and have been for a long while. Gaining momentum in the way I live. Simply live. Oh yes I have five cats however they are nothing compared to stuff or canvases everywhere. I have to face that I fell into the rhythm of being part of an art league and thinking I could maybe be the artist I have always thought I was and in many ways am. I just don’t like the accumulation of stuff. Why I didn’t remember that when I began knocking out the canvases day after day and then moving into merchandise, I haven’t a clue.
Exploring self is not always pretty. It reveals the dust that has accumulated within the soul. The obstacles in front of one self to overcome maybe yet again. It all came to me when I looked around and went wow, I don’t need a house this size. I don’t need all these canvases even though I like most of my work. I have enough. I had enough before and I now have way too much of enough. I want to streamline again. I want to have my life simple because there is so much wealth in simple.
Simple and uncomplicated offer tremendous sense of self. It is not the stuff and never has been with me. Oh yes from time to time I fell into the social pressure however I am older and wiser now. So while it is unnerving today and will be until I can clear out again and be down to a simpler life, I know in the journey of exploring that there can be flowers on the horizon. There can be more good books. There can be more money without the need for new canvases, paints and such. There can be more freedom without chasing a source to sell the merchandise and constantly trying to help that work.
I know there can be a peaceful walk with camera in hand. I know that as in times past, I will clear out and be back on track to a simpler life that lets one breathe more freely.
There truly is abundance in less and it takes exploring one’s self to rediscover that. It is best to do so before the last chapter and live more freely with less.