Whether or not one’s childhood was stable, good or not so favorable, we sometimes find ourselves seeking the roots we knew. Even the unstable ones because somewhere in all that there was something that held us. Some form of cohesiveness. Again good or bad.
When life feels so off balanced and unsettled we long for that sort of footing. Something that we knew. That feeling of belonging to a place or a family. They say one can not really go back yet I think in many ways we can. True a place may have evolved and family may long have gone away, yet the memory holds solid.
It is in that memory, one can find the old roots that still hold deep. The very sense of the basis of our beginning. The foundation of who we became.
I am finding myself, this seeking of roots, to be with me recently. After so many losses of late and through the eleven years of living where I do now, I am longing to walk the streets with familiar names of my past. To sense the old memories even if all has changed physically. To stroll that old beach I knew both as a kid and as an adult. To drive by the old house where my aunt lived, my grandmother. To visit the old church where my Dad sang as a young man. A paid talented tenor. To savor the lovely traditional interiors and rituals. To hold onto the comfort for a while and perhaps find those old roots, settle down into those and thrive.
My soul longs for that and in someways perhaps it would help to fill the void of so many losses, even if just a little. We can not bring back the past to change it or have it, yet we can savor the moments in our hearts that were pure and good. We can walk those ol familiar streets as a different person yet enjoy the comfort the memory of those streets bring.
We can even find a house in this place of familiar streets and somehow I think it can become a real sense of home because we have returned to what we know. As I look at what is ahead with real concern, it is that sense of comfort and home I think so many of us need at this time. The ol sense of those roots. Perhaps in our seeking, we can find as well.