Where, How, What

img_5471Yesterday it was grey overcast skies with a mist of rain for the better part of the day.  I woke early to check the results of the election.  It was four o’clock in the morning.  I was too tired to stay up the previous night and too emotionally drained as well.  The most wonderful, sweet cat of my feline family was extremely ill.  So knowing I had a difficult day to face I turned the light off and favored sleep over the election results.

I was shocked when I saw that the most deplorable man that I know of running for office was elected.  Not by the majority however by that odd little arrangement to prevent someone unacceptable making into office, called the electoral vote.

My heart sank because I am older and I could see the how precarious the future was going to be under this guy in office.  He has no regard for women.  He has no regard really for anyone except himself.  He doesn’t seem to care if someone struggles due to his actions or if they starve.  He is not who the country needs to be in office.  He ran a campaign based on fear and now I was falling into the fear of my own future which I had not felt previously because I felt sure the people of this country would be wiser.  See through the it all. I had no clue that so many people had such awful values.  So many with so much hate.  So many thinking that someone like this guy could actually save them.  And surprising so many women turning their heads not accepting that he holds so much contempt for women.

That was the beginning of the day.  I pulled myself to move forward because I had a very sick cat and others that demanded their breakfast.  My sweet Sylvester was not doing well and my heart was breaking even more then having to think about the impact of the election.  I will write another blog about Sylvester…Vester as I called him.  Sometimes Vesty Vest.  As one does with their pets.  He deserves that of me.  Actually he deserved a blog just of his own long ago.

We had a veterinarian appointment later in the day.  I was hoping for the approach of fluids to help him rally.  He so wanted to live.  For what I am not sure.  He had to share the house with other cats and most were so demanding.  He just calmingly lived with the others.  Taking care of an old female who no longer groomed herself.  He groomed the youngest one that came to us out of no where and kept laying in the street so I brought him inside hoping to find him a home.  Homes never come or at least that has been my experience.

Between the times of caring for Sylvester during the morning, I checked the internet, particularly Facebook where my like minded friends are.  Everyone was reeling.  Everyone was in shock.  Everyone not quite panicked however bordering on it.

The time came for me to take Sylvester to the Vet…that ever so dreaded time. He had wrapped his little paw around my finger and held his head up a bit to look at me although I think his focus was no longer there. It told me he knew however wanted to live.  I somewhat instinctively knew what the vet would suggest even though I hoped for a different approach.  On this trip, he did not talk to me through the window of the carrier…he just layed quietly.  He was always a good traveler.  Actually he was a good everything.  Truly the best cat I have had.  Never cried or demanded anything.  He would periodically talk loudly to me and was so cute doing so.  So expressive.

We weighed him.  He had lost yet another pound.  No surprise since he was only taking liquids and no solid food due to the lung infection.  It was difficult for him to eat.  So I created a brew and gave it to him every hour or so.  It had sustained him however not well.

They took him back to the exam room to check for a temperature.  I thought they would bring him back to him rather the vet came out.  Sat down next to me and gave me the sad news that it was time to let him go.  That he could give him fluids however that really would only sustain him for a few more days.  There was so little temperature which of course isn’t good.  So we agreed that it was the best thing to let him go. I asked the vet if he could do the same to me. He looked at me with a question in his eye.  So I said the election results do not offer us much hope. He smiled got up and went to take care of my sweet Vester.  It is difficult to sign that release paper knowing by doing so you are ending a very dear life.  A life that you have cared for and been involved with for many years.

I sat there wondering where this was going.  How this really happen and what to do next.  Not just about Vester about the entire news of the day.  A very heavy day.  Very heavy day.

Soon they brought Vester out in a nice little white box which I was grateful they did.  Other times the body had been presented to me in a bag which made it ever so difficult.  They showed so much respect to Vester and to me by offering him dignity.  Which is so important at all times.

As I paid, the vet picked up my carrier and took it out to my car. Waited for me.  I carried Vester in his new home and set him on the passenger seat.  Then the conversation turned to the election results and he too was reeling.  Unlike me, he stayed up most of the night to watch the results.  Like everyone I know, he was in disbelief and concerned.  Yet he made a good point.  He said we must accept that he is our president.  Treat him with respect because of the office and do what we can to make our lives ok.

Then he told me I know this is a loss however it is the right thing to do.  It is nice that we can take away the pain and make it quick so that they do not have to suffer.  I thanked him and got in my car to drive home with Vester now in a different place yet physically on the seat next to me.

It was still early enough in the day when we arrived home for me to bury him.  So I found a place.  The first one did not work due to the roots of the tree.  It was where he watched the squirrels and birds.  I thought he would enjoy being there.  So I opted for another cozy place in the courtyard where a buddy of his who passed several years ago lays.

As I do, I gave him a little funeral and wondered if he knew he was loved.  If he knew how much I appreciated that he was such a good, sweet cat.  A cat that presented no issues until he became ill.  I wondered if he knew what we are in for as a nation and what I may be in for so he elected to reduce some of my burden.  I wondered what will become of us now without him.  He was the steadfast one.  The reliable one.  The wise one.

And so it is where, how and what is the future.  Only time as it always does, will tell.  img_5471



About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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1 Response to Where, How, What

  1. melissa smith says:

    RIP Sylvester you are loved and your mom too

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