Self Discovery


Most of us have an inkling of who we are. What our values are. Some of us identify ourselves with our career, profession. Sometimes that is our only thought of identity and we never quite allow ourself to see who we are beyond that. We face each day somewhat knowing what it may bring because it is the nature of the job we hold. When we are in that farcical race we seldom have an ah ha moment to say yes that is who I really am. That is the core of me.

With the internet so much part of our daily lives there are little windows of opportunity to see into ourself. The post we make, the emails we write. The friends we have on Facebook. The profile we create on the other sites. All offer us an opportunity to read between the lines and find ourself.

Oh yes one can go on a retreat. Meditate and be quiet to find that inner peace which is really a great thing to do to stay healthy of both mind and body. Yet there is more to us. There is that deeper self. The one that seldom speaks out. The one we acknowledge only a little and place on hold for when we have time to relax and maybe have less pressure. Then and only then will be reach into that place and pull out that self. Sometimes that time doesn’t come as readily as we think it will yet there are peeks we can take to our inner self if we just take a moment even in the chaos of the craziness of the day to let ourself recognize something very profound that we have said or a feeling we have maybe only for a brief while.

Yesterday there was a post on Facebook by a woman in the small town where I live seeking donations for a guy who needed help. She gave all his attributes as a person although leaving out that he is stubborn and has had many options yet has chosen none of those. The thread pointed the reason for his demise to a new business moving into town and of course those people were trashed in the process of the post on Facebook. To me there seemed to be another message in all of the madness. The entire plight seemed to scream opportunity for the guy needing the charity. It blasted, dude you have an opportunity to have money in your pockets, not from charity, from standing tall and with dignity by selling the property that has the issue.

It didn’t seem right to me that others should be asked to pay for something that clearly could have been rectified by his own action quietly taken. He could raise the funds needed for the repair which is blamed on the action of the new business next to him. He could have sold stuff. Gotten a part time job yet why not go for the drama. I offered my input and was slammed as I have been in this town since almost the day I moved here. I was told to butt out if I did not what to help…the help meaning money in the piggy bank for this guy. The help meaning write yet another check. Forget about positive input..that had no value. Well not in this case anyway.

Oddly I have been so judged and through the thread on the Facebook post that judgement showed glaringly. I have long risen above all the thoughts of me, the rumors. The slams. Not one person has bother to chat with me over coffee or a glass of wine to know who I am….that would then perhaps sway their thoughts. After all they must be true to the group belief. God forbid they find out something to be untrue and that maybe I am an ok person with values. Maybe my voice is the one of logic and reason.

Through that thread yesterday, I learned something about myself. I learned that the anger these people have is something they enjoy. Something they must have and will create a source even if good reason does not exist for anger. They gang up on a reason they feel is justified then it grows like moss on a tree until it smothers out any logic of remedy. Rather they blast and trash. I didn’t find my self feeling any anger back to those who blasted my comments. Who told me to butt out rather through all of it I felt compelled to offer reason, facts and options that others did not seem to see. I felt and even stated that while I am not liked, I am a wise woman.

That surprised me a bit that I even wrote and posted that however I reflected a bit about the comment and realized yes indeed I am a wise woman. I have had many set backs in my life. Been resilient to get through those. I have held onto my values more times then not and I have tried my best to do the right thing by others even if it is only offering a bit of insight with different eyes.

So it is a bit of self discovery for myself to realize that yes indeed I am a wise woman something I have suppressed because it is not perhaps attractive to say or even welcomed. No one wants to be too supportive of that. They can’t quite grasp the possibility at least not in my case. It has been easier especially in this town to trash me, to put me down. In my family as well more or less to keep me in my place. Yet that deep inner place has for a long time nudge me to realize I am a wise woman and that is a bit of self discovery popping up from the oddest place…a Facebook thread, no less.

It seems important to me that we all try to find who we really are. There is freedom in that and if it takes a between the lines message in a Facebook thread to nudge that to the surface of our mind well then so be it. Self discovery is important to free us to the next level because once we have a true grasp of who we are, we can indeed be a wise being.

And so it is self discovery….may you find your wise being.

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About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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