Today like any other day, began with the normal daily routine of coffee, journaling and then the tidying after the cats. This morning I felt better then an average day. I actually felt on top of the world with hope in my heart and that all would be moving forward for me in a way I have only dreamt about.
Accomplished so much in a smooth flow as the day evolved. A trunk full of recycle stuff to the recycle center in town…a the recycle closet now cleared with empty bins. Laundry completed and other tasks quickly and easily tackled.
Then some time after lunch a terse message from my sister was left on my land line. Seldom answer that phone because of so many scammers and sales calls even though I am on the do not call list. When my sister phones, I always dread having to talk with her or returning the call. I always do though after taking a deep breath and soldiering on as I key in the number.
The news was not good and my heart sank as she told me that my cousin, Anne whom I have felt so close to in my older years, had passed over night. The news was not good. It was even worse coming from my sister.
Anne, my cousin had surgery a week ago to remove a malignant mass from her colon. The surgery supposedly went well and she was schedule to go home on Friday. Since she was like me, I left her alone to mend and not have to make talk when she would really rather sleep or just be. So I didn’t phone. I sent a card which now will arrive to the air at her home.
I thought of her often through out each day and an item I purchased as her Christmas present arrived yesterday. When I took it out of the packaging I felt sure Anne was going to love it. A pair of very happy slippers. Fun, brightly coloured and hand crafted by Fair Trade Artisans. Something she would have supported. It gave me great pleasure to have those waiting to be sent for Christmas. Something to add a bit of joy and fun to the holiday. The wild socks I sent last year were ever so well received that I felt sure the slippers would be as well. And soaking bath salts which I sent when she had the news of cancer, was so appreciated.
Anne and I were much a like. Our political views were identical. We supported most of the same causes. We read a lot of the same books and chatted about those along with many other things. We both were overwhelmed by the events of the world and only hoped that all would be resolved to some form of peace in our lifetimes.
Well her lifetime stopped. I feel empty because I had so many plans in my mind of when I have at long last moved to a really cool place that has been in the plan for years. She was going to come visit and we were going to take trips together. I wanted to take a river cruise through France. She did so last year and enjoyed it so was willing to go again perhaps in a different location. She was extremely well traveled having done so her entire life. Many were wonderful educational tours from which she reaped first hand knowledge. The recall was entertaining and many places we both had been so we could share our experiences.
She was more like a sister to me then my actual sister with whom I have never been very close. The reasons are more involved and messy then this blog about Anne needs to review.
My heartbreaks for her dog Ben who now will be faced with adjusting to a new home that may or may not be as good as Anne provided for him. He was her dear friend and even though he was a full size poodle, he believed he was a lap dog and sat on her lap more times then not. He looked happy which he did not when he first came to live with Anne. His previous companion could no longer take care of him so he was pushed into a new place. Lucky for him, it was Anne. I remember her driving to get him on the morning following an ice storm in her area. She managed just fine and brought him home. Before long he was smiling and so was she. She loved her dogs and had many over the years. All large dogs and all happy ones.
Each year for her Christmas card she would dress the dogs with matching hats to hers and have a photo made. It was always a fun card to receive.
The news of her passing is still fresh. It doesn’t seem real. Yet I know when there are no emails or calls, the void will be there. And now when I think of future plans the void will be there as well.
It is a reminder that as we rush about our life, when our time comes, it doesn’t wait for us to finish those dreams, or thoughts of others. It doesn’t wait for us to make a call to say hello. It doesn’t wait for us to let some one know we care. It just stops, just like the click our fingers. We can’t say oh wait a minute, I haven’t finished. Time just stops and so does everything else we thought of, we dreamt of, we left hanging to finish.
So we must not wait. We must pursue our dreams. We must make that call even if we so want to be considerate, to let someone know we are thinking of them. We must do as much as we can to live our lives because we really do not know when time stops.
And so it is this evening I say good bye to my cousin, Anne and I hope she looks down from time to time and smiles. Tonight my big orange cat, Benson gave me a really big hug which he doesn’t do and I felt it was Anne telling him to do so. He was calmer then usual as well. So it may be that he felt her calm presence as she crossed over to the other side. May she be in peace and float among the stars. Such a loss yet her time stopped. And so that is how it is, when time stops.