Identity Struggle


I guess we all go there. That place of doubt in ourselves. The wondering who we really are. What our talents may or may not be, or if we even seem to have any.

It is a rocky path to travel finding one’s self. Especially in this confusing, fast paced world we now live. Goodness is gone in a flash. Evil quickly on its heels to ride the wave of attention for longer then the goodness. It places doubt in those of us who are creative.

Then a day comes along and we look in the mirror because something has prompted it. Our shoulders edge back. Our head goes a little higher. The lines around the eyes are ignored and we see ourself for who we are and have been. For all the achievements we have made and tried to suppress or have been degraded by others. No more we think. We did good work and we still do good work. We have talents. Valuable talents.

Recently that doubt has popped up on the path because I guess I long to move to a place where I feel sure my creative talents will flow and maybe even be recognized on some level comparable to times past. A place where I know like minded people live and with whom I feel I will be able to connect. I don’t have that now and it wears on the creative soul. It wears on the confidence.

Then today, a notice arrives in my inbox. An opening for a well accomplished photographer at a local art gallery. The same art gallery who turned down my work a year ago stating they did not have any additional space to show new artists yet have had many shows since. I read the guys biographical sketch and yes indeed it is impressive. He does really nice work and has many awards and recognitions. Some of which even paralleled a few I received in the past. I thought wow…I need to rethink this path of identity.

I need to recall when I was respected for my work. For my abilities and talent. For my insight and forethought. I need to grasp all that again regardless of how degrading the experience of living in this small village has been over the past many years…too many years.

While I have not achieved what the photographer featured in the show, has, I know I could have if I had had a source of funds to do so. My work was good, really good. My writing was good as well. It takes money though to move a creative career forward to achieve recognition. A lot of good talent is lost in the shadows because of lack of funds to either pursue it or promote it.

So while I still can not push my work on a big realm because of financial restraints, I am reminded today that I too received awards. I too was recognized by my peers in the creative field for my work with some very stiff competition at hand. I too was sought after for my abilities and accomplished a lot. I too was well thought of among my peers at the time.

Sometimes we must take a different look in the mirror and remind ourself that we should not allow the suppression of others to override our self esteem. To tarnish our capabilities, our talents. We must always stand true to ourselves and never ever let our talents die. We should write our own biographical sketch including all that we have achieved and not try to suppress anything. We should not care if others think we are bragging. We should be proud of our accomplishments because we worked hard to get those. By remembering those recognitions, we can once again find our talent. Find our path because we will always have the talent, the capabilities, the insight, regardless of the years that pass. And on that path as we reclaim ourself, we can not allow for anyone at all attempt to diminish who we are. Absolutely no one.

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About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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