When Hope is Dashed


Today I am grappling with holding on to hope when it seems to have dashed out the door. It also presents the need to calm the sense of being miffed. I know that it doesn’t do any good to be miffed with someone even though I can clearly see through all the dynamics of what they do.

I have my house on the market and so want to leave the village where I currently live and have for a number of years. It was never a good fit yet I continued because as it goes money did not offer the option to leave. There was a brief window when I sold a building I owned a couple years ago to leave yet the new owners put so much pressure that I had to quickly find something and move. With a family of cats it makes it difficult to just saunter around checking places out or renting for a short while. So I stayed thinking maybe I could make it work since I was not in the middle of the craziness of the business district. The cut throatiness. The undermining. The backstabbing.

So for a couple years I have stayed to myself having little to nothing to do with the village. Only venturing to the city center to get my mail. To the local grocery when I need a few things rather then drive to a neighboring town with the major stores. I live quietly within my world. Read, mow my lawn, pull weeds. Take care of the cats. Once in a while write a blog and just generally go about what has become a rather blah life although a peaceful one.

I want to move to where there is culture and a lot to do. Where art and music are readily available. Where one can stop at a coffee shop and enjoy a little repast. Where there is beauty around and progressive unblocked thinking. It is simple really. I know the place and all I need to do is sell my house.

A few days ago, there was a serious buyer brought by a local realtor. Basically that is the kiss of death for me. I approached the showing with an open mind even though the local realtor was concerned she would not be paid if I showed the property. I am a realtor too so she felt the commission on my own house which I am the one paying would go to me, rather then to her. Yes, she did…really think that. It took a bit of convincing nicely without laughing, for her to understand that yes she would be paid a commission. A really nice commission. The listing agent for the property had outlined it in the listing agreement so the commission was all arranged and it would not be paid to me since I am the one having to pay the fee. Duh!

The buyer loved the house. Came back bringing her adult daughter and husband in tow. She told me it is a great house and the only one that would suit their needs. I expected an offer the next day or within a day or two. We chatted about antiques because I have a few and that she was an antique dealer…I was as well. Then the realtor piped up that she was too and had just closed her shop of many years only a few months ago. That she missed it. It seemed like normal conversation during a very good showing.

Then there is no word. Then finally a two sentence email is received stating that the woman has decided to buy a much smaller house and a commercial building. Well needless to say I read between the lines on this one. If I did not have history with this realtor influencing a buyer in the past to buy another property when he had a property of mine under contract, I would not be so incline to feel my intuition is spot on. Yet somehow I have to. It is odd how often this sort of thing happens here. How some are so self serving and so willing to undermine and blatantly lead someone away from what may truly work best for them.

It is sometimes very twisted and done with such syrupy niceness that it is difficult to recognize the manipulation in process. It is only after the fact when all is said and done that one realizes they have been had. Sometimes truly compromising the well being of the one who has been had.

So for a while hope dashes. The blood boils. The tears could be hot if those flowed. More importantly though is it is not surprising and that is what is so bothersome. My instincts told me it was going to go down like this. That the realtor could not possibly want me to have success. To move on to a more enjoyable world because she can’t. It was not surprising that the buyer was lead away with that ever so syrupy sweetness with the glaze of God toss on top.

I don’t think God intended for people to undermine one another. I think he intends for people to be fair in their dealings. To be forth right and caring. I don’t think he intended for anyone to be so self serving that it causes anyone to loose hope or compromise the future of someone. Yet it happens in this small village. And it is how one’s footing is not so balanced. It is difficult to pinpoint. Difficult to identify and besides…she is oh so sweet and a good Christian. Oh my. Oh my.

Being aware is powerful. Being intuitive is even more powerful. Seeing through the veil of such dynamics helps to bring back the hope because in the end, we must be true to ourselves. I know that someone will buy my house. What I also know is that this realtor will not be allowed to show it again. And she is right about one thing, she won’t be earning a commission as a result. It is really sad that greed and jealousy play such a role in all things small and large in a little village. It is such a sad thing that the footing of some is so unstable that they have to stoop to doing business in such a way.

Hope will be dashed yet not for long. Being miffed will vanish with a bit of chocolate. And tomorrow will be a new day with the hope of a better buyer coming along. With the hope that one day soon, I will live among like minded people where there is no good and evil laced together in a smile.

Hope will rise again as it always does. I am grateful for the insight to see through the dynamics, to understand and in the end feel sad for the people who have to operate with such small values.

Hope is after all what God intended for all of us. And so it shall be. Hope.

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About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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