Today I feel compelled to write even though as the summer bears down with high heat I haven’t been so incline to write. Winter weather brings more thoughts and the desire to bring words to the page. Perhaps it is the cozy feeling it offers.
Today however follows a very dark day of yesterday when the news broke that Robin Williams had taken his life. It lays heavy on the heart and mind. While of course I did not know him personally. Who he really was or that much about him other then that he brought so much to all of us.
Why I wonder if I lived next to him could I have made a difference. Could I have helped somehow. Why on earth do those thoughts cross my mind today, I have no idea. I am certainly not qualified in the realm of psychoanalysis, therapy or anything of the sort. Yet somehow I suppose we all want to do something to help one that is in such darkness.
Sometimes if we are close to a person we can see through the veils. The humor the darting about. The busyness. The obsessions. Sometimes though the darkness is silent and we do not notice the flinch in the skin around the eyes or the plastic smile. We many times are so wrapped in our own world that we don’t take the time to really look. To really see with different eyes.
The passing of Robin Williams is a huge loss to the world. Most of us who knew him because of his charismatic ways on screen felt he had it all. Yet that “all” comes with big heavy chains, I guess. Chains that can bring one down. Bring one to a corner to try to be alone. To try to talk back to the voices in ones head. To have some peace and not always have to be on and happy. To just be.
Darkness can come to all of us and many times does. We do not have to have a huge successful career to feel the chains. To feel the restraints that life can bring. To just want to be who we are with no questions asked. No expectations. To be accepted if we are not perfect or happy every moment. To be able to just be. Sometimes the voices of the past pop into remind us of failures, of comments, of hurts. If we allow those voices to be too loud then we feel the pull of the chains bring us down. We then dart. We obsess. We try to run. We try to hide through whatever means there is available.
And if we feel someone we know is enduring the silence of darkness we want to help yet sometimes we can not see. The signs are subtle. The cry for help ever so soft it is almost silent.
So we try to step back and offer some explanation to ourselves. We try to understand. We sit with a broken heart over the loss for someone so important in our lives yet we thought would always be there. No way could anything like this be happen. The world is out of control..but not this. Not this type of loss. Not this tragic ending to one we all felt so wonderful. So full of life.
So happy. And I think we all wonder, if we had been his neighbor could we have open the door and let the light in on the darkness. Could we have heard the silence of that darkness. What could we have done to save this soul and continue on this earth with joy in his heart. We have to wonder of course. We have to feel the heaviness of the reality.
And we must look upon life and the life of others with new eyes so that we see the darkness within. That silence of darkness.