This morning as I sit at my computer screen. Coffee on the table before me. Computer in my lap. Barnum, a grey tabby with white paws on the sofa next to me purring as if life has no worries. For him probably it doesn’t other then Bailey, his sister bopping him on the head periodically.
The morning is heavy with fog. The mist hanging in the trees outside my windows. The droplets resting on the flowers that bloom. All happy for the nourishment to their thirty souls.
The fog is also how I feel this morning after being awaken by Barnum from a very intense, deep sleep with an involved dream spinning around me. Those type of dreams always provoke thought. I know there are messages in dreams yet sometimes it takes a while to realize what the message is. Sometimes it is months later when something happens that I go ah ha…that was in a dream. Then I go back to my journal to find the dream.
So it is this morning I am in a review mode. Reviewing past decisions. Reviewing past friendships, relationships. Missed opportunities and also when I was the most comfortable with life. What brought that about.
Over the past few years while living in the small village, I have learned so many lessons. Worked through so much. Aware now of the dynamics that have always affected my life and repeatedly so. The awareness which I have written blogs about is such a gift because it makes it possible to recognize the signs. The overtures. The traits. I no longer fall for those or I am hoping I will be strong enough to address the ones that are so undercurrent that it is difficult to know until one is pulled in. Much like a rip tide current. Swept under to suffocate with the manipulation churning.
Recently I have taken actions that seemed abrasive and perhaps offensive yet it was old tapes. Old tapes that I did not want to repeat. I knew the song all too well. Not too long ago I wrote of these types of things happening on Facebook. And while I enjoy many things about that site, it is a prime opportunity to be abused by those incline to do so. What I discovered is that it also is very freeing to unfriend all those who are connected with the person who enjoys abusing. The one who seems to need to do so just to make themselves feel better or bigger or whatever. Yet everyone continues with keeping them among their friends. Craziness it seems to me.
Since it seemed to have become a constant trend with the people who I had as friends being connected with the person or persons offering up the abuse, I decided it was time to just unfriend all who were associated. There did not seem to be any unfriending of the abusive ones rather comments to smooth it over which I realize sometimes works. I tried to be concise and make fewer and fewer comments. Guarding what I said. How I said it yet that did not seem to work with the people who had to attack. It became as if the bucket was full. So I unfriended all connected with those abusive ones.
Facebook has taken on a very different tone. It is more pleasant now. I don’t really need it yet it is a place to sometimes learn something. To see a lovely photo from another place. To stay connected with friends. Nonabusive friends. Bottom line is no one needs the abuse that these type of sites seem to provide the opportunity to those into that sort of tactic.
Since clicking that little unfriend box, I have thought how nice it would be if we could do that with all the negative junk in our lives. If we could just pull up a little box and click delete, unfriend…whatever. Poof it would all be gone and life would be smooth again.
Unfortunately we can not. We must be cognizant of the dynamics on a constant basis so that we keep our pace smooth. We must watch out for the manipulation, the under current and be grateful in the small little pleasures.
The dream of the past night was of love lost yet the door remained open to still salvage it. To bring it back into being from the lack of awareness that it even existed in the first place. That without realizing it, distance had grown and simply needed to be traveled to reach a new horizon. To find the pleasures within that world that had been available, walked away from thinking there was not a chance, when all the while it existed. To see the door left open and the opportunity presenting hope in a beautiful new world makes all the other stuff fall into that delete category.
So perhaps if we brush away all the garbage. All the messiness of life. All those abusive ones. Click that box and breath then the dreams real or passing in the night, will come about in our lives.
It seems that is where we can find hope and it also seems, that it is with great gratitude for that invisible box, we can look at life from a different realm. A more peaceful place. It brings about a softness to the day like the blanket of fog of the morning to be cleared away by the rise of the sun. The light showing the beauty of the day on the faces of the flowers fresh from the morning dew.
And so it is with courage we must click that box to bring the real or passing dreams to us and the brighter side of life.