Today I am feeling very bogged down. My inbox seemed loaded. Checking Facebook, there were so many posts, some good, some negative. It all feels heavy. Very heavy.
Yesterday I polished furniture, well not all that I have because I have way too much. Better said, I polished the really good antiques and let the other stuff go for another day. While doing so, I longed to be free of the heaviness these bring with them. Maybe even the spirits of others who have owned the pieces. The dusting takes time. The feeding the wood to maintain the antiques takes time while what I long for is lightness. Not in the way of bright light flowing in or all white with glass, rather the feeling that one can breathe.
Oh yes, I appreciate and love antiques after all I owned an antique shop for several years, however now I would like to be free of those. At least reduce what I have to one or two good pieces combined with a lot less furniture. After all I have cats. The cat hair finds its way into each and every crevice and clings, really clings. It would free my time for other things, like more writing and more painting. Or maybe time for a drive, or coffee with a friend when the new bakery opens in town.
Mainly though I want to see space, to see openness. To stand back in the openness and enjoy the art I own. Some by me, mostly by others. I like the look I have which is very eclectic and stylish yet, I want the freedom to roam. To not have to dust the crevices. To not feel the souls of the piece. To not reprimand my cats for wanting to lounge on a valuable piece of furniture. Well valuable only if someone else likes it and wants to buy it. Otherwise then it is worthless and collects dust.
I need to let go of boxes of books. Perhaps hang on to a couple of my favorites that are like old friends. I need to release those to the eyes and mind of someone else. What purpose do those serve, really other then adding charm to a space while collecting dust. There is really no need to hang onto books or magazines as I do for some reason. I appreciate the work that goes into those and somehow cling to that feeling yet those too add to the encumbrance and the heavy feeling. Anyone who knows me well, knows I read a lot, so it is not as if I need to display books for others to realize I am well read. Besides who cares. No one really. So it is time to sort through the boxes of books and let those go as well.
A friend is living by the minimalist theory and I long to do that again as well. For a time, I did and life seemed so much better. I had one set of dishes, a set of love seats. A small lovely dining table with four chairs. A bed, a few book cases and an armoire. That was about it….and wow was life better. Now for some reason I have accumulated and it feels like a ball and chain around my ankle. Of course we tend to accumulate to the size of where we live and I have had some square footage the past several years. Square footage that has been nice yet now feels too much as does all that it takes to bring the space alive.
Oh yes I love the eccentric feel of it all. The artsy combination of antiques, with contemporary art. Books stacked, baskets of magazines and so on. For some reason though I want to breath. I want to feel free from it all. I want to know I can move easily. I want a small place where the dust balls do not evolve overnight into tumble weeds floating down through the house. I want someone else to enjoy the curves, the charm and the intimate cleaning that antiques require. I am ready to let the wonderful antiques go to their next home. I am ready for openness. To see with new eyes. To have time again for the little things in life without trappings.
I want to live that less is more life again, because it is.