The days seem to seep into weeks and the weeks seem to seep into years. Five years pass and even though it was long my thought this place would be history in my life, I am still looking out my studio window at a dusty little town with no vibrancy.
I wonder many times, and even ask God what lessons have I not learned by being here because I will do my best to learn those. Long ago well not really so long ago, a couple of years now, I thought freedom had arrived. That I would be on my way to more vibrancy, more class, more in depth thinking, more activity and so much more culture. Little did I know that a few would feel they had the right to interfere and down right stop the sale of my property. That was a foreign thought to me.
I had encountered the condo gestopos in Florida however in the end they did not interfere with the sale of a property. As it turned out those steadfast people were not even a solid comparison for the country minded, hard headed unified group that marched on the sale of my property. It was indeed an eye opener because these same people were coming to my table for dinner, were so nice to my face yet all the while gleaning information to undermine me.
I suppose it gave them a sense of importance and perhaps even joy. There was a viciousness to the movement however and one I am still attempting to cope with. The undermining still comes only in smaller doses. They have already accomplished what they wanted and that was to push me into financial ruin yet I know even though I will take a loss to get out of here, I will be ok once away from this dusty, hateful little town.
They do not have open minds to welcome anything new or to even think that a change of Christmas decorations may be a good idea. The only thing they do welcome is the film industry which comes and go like a pimp working the corner for his girls. Yet those in the town who are involved with the film industry think they are their best friends. Some now even think they are actors. They call them by their first names when chatting with others who they feel are not connected as they are. They think they will be invited to their house for dinner or to visit them elsewhere. They are so star struck it is disgusting yet sad at the same time.
There is a side of me who wishes I could be that important in their eyes so they may feel it ok for me to sell my property, make a few dollars and be worthy of a kind word. But that won’t happen, at least while I am here.
So for now, I live quietly above it all. Realize they do not know any better and try to receive the messages of what I need to learn so that I will be released from this place. It has been an experience and I have learned a lot, yet there must remain one lesson I am not getting right. Hopefully soon that will come in big capital letters so it registers in my mind and I will be free at last.