Dynamics of Life

We have those twists and turns that come about in life and if we walk a little lighter we can step back and find humor in many of those twists.

Living in the small town in Texas has brought full circle much of my past life.  Many of those turns I would like to forget although have to own the dynamics because in truth those are part of who I am.  What is now full screen is the source of influence which has been brought about in awareness through a very mad neighbor.  The man is extremely twisted.  Always angry about something. Always finds fault and is never at all grateful.  He has a pity party among his friends or so called friends who hang out with him for coffee trashing everyone in town.  They too are not so happy with life.  Older, all older and sad to see that life has brought them to such anger.

It parallels my Mother.  She was always angry.  Reeked havoc in our home and continued to do so through my adult life.  Always very subtle yet the town was there enough to keep one off balance.  To create that insecurity about decisions and abilities.  It is through this mad neighbor that I have been able to identify, connect with those many, many mistakes I made in my life flowing back directly to those oh so subtle messages from my Mother.

Oh yes, I was an adult and should have overcome those.  Even a few years in therapy did not resolve that because it was such a subtle constant message.  Almost subliminal and always there.  Out of therapy was able to connect with my Father who Mother has us so scared of my sister and I would pee in our pants when he spoke to us.  Thus bringing on a very dysfunctional tone with men in general.  Oh we loved men alright, just in the wrong way.

So it is those messages I now see flowing at me glaringly as the mad neighbor pulls yet another prank in an attempt to provoke, to stir an argument to make my life unsettled, to create havoc and to do his best to ruin my world thus making himself feel so important, I suppose.

What causes one to be so twisted in their approach to life and against others is confusing and will take much deeper exploration.  Perhaps he was dropped on his head as a child or some such odd treatment that has brought him to such a point of escalated anger in his older years.  And just as my Mother determine to make everyone else as miserable.

Now with the awareness in my pocket, I can step lighter and with a bit of joy in the view on the screen because in actuality when all the dynamics are removed it is indeed a comedy.

About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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