Awareness


We are sometimes brought to a place for lessons.  Perhaps to learn or unlearn past habits, tapes or mindset instilled by family, friends or life.  So it is for me with moving to a small town five years ago.  My thinking was I could rediscover the artist side of myself.  Be free to be who I have always thought I was yet others thought something different.  I happen on the town quite by chance.  Charming historic downtown main street.  Sort of the Main Street USA sought after in films.  A historic building caught my attention when the older gentleman who owned it showed it to me.  He had taken great care in renovating it a few years prior although had lost interest and moved on to a house he wanted to call home.  It has long been a dream to live the European lifestyle of an apartment above a shop…actually more my late husband’s dream then mine.  Still the idea of living in a different type of space intrigued me.  I looked for signs that it was the right thing to do.  A plastic necklace lay at the door of the empty building down from this one.  A little necklace much like one that showed up oddly on the headstone of my Mother’s grave a few years prior.  I saw it as a sign that this is where I was suppose to be, at least for now.  I bought the building and before the ink dried I realized I was in for the time of my life.  That I had landed in the middle of an ant bed and it would be a while before I could possibly heal from the bites.  Those came repeatedly from the various people who I suppose were either envious or just uncomfortable with my mysterious nature.  It has taken five years for the bites to slow, the ant bed dwindling and deciding there was better prey elsewhere.  This one could not be carried home to the queen.  Too tough.  Yet the bites came as messages and reminders of like betrayal, like craziness and the old tapes of the past.  It has proven to be a time, albeit a difficult. lonely one; of regrouping and becoming so aware that I see so clearly now.   So I know that it was meant for me to be here.  Then, now.  That it was on the map all along of the lessons in life.  I know now when I leave which hopefully will be soon, I will be aware and I will be a much freer person then when I arrived.  I will be who I really am because all the bites while painful,  numbed the fear of walking through life as whom I have always wanted to become. It has been in the end a very valuable experience.

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About annamayfair

Enthusiastically interested in life, well being and art...writer by desire and dream, artist by the soul....friend to animals.
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